Taking a Break and Falling in Love at Brohm Lake
Hike 7 | Part way through this hike – it was a slow amble at best, I had to cut it short. I told Stu that it wouldn’t count, that it wasn’t long enough, I hadn’t achieved enough, it wasn’t. . . enough.
Hike #7 | 100m Elevation Gain | 7.5km Hiked
I argued with Stu about including this hike in my #40hikes goal. I had just returned from three days of hiking and camping in Banff and I was tired. We hiked around Brohm Lake with the intention of including a couple of the lookouts to make it a bigger day. Part way through this walk – it was a slow amble at best, I had to cut it short. I told Stu that it wouldn’t count, that it wasn’t long enough, I hadn’t achieved enough, it wasn’t. . . enough. Stu countered that it’s important to share all aspects of achieve this goal – including the sometimes-debilitating exhaustion that I still occasionally struggle with. And of course, he was right.
When my ambitions and physical self don’t line up I deal with strong feelings of disappointment. But the mental practice of accepting my body’s limitations when I need to in order to be able to tackle bigger activities when I can, is making me stronger. There are a lot of challenges that come with not knowing what to expect from your energy levels each day and I can end up feeling constantly let down when I wake up with a big plan that I’m not able to accomplish but there are things that help. I have made a list of hikes that I want to accomplish – some long, some short, some local, some far away. If I have set aside a day for hiking and I wake up in the morning feeling great, then I will go ahead with whatever big adventure I have my sights set on. If I don’t quite have it in me or if my week is packed and I can’t afford to have a day of recovery, then I will pick an easier option. I’m working towards my goal no matter which hike I opt for and that feels good.
There are still some days that I don’t get out at all. They are fewer and farther between than in the past and I try to remember that in taking a rest day I’m still working towards my goal – I won’t get there if I wear myself down.
After we decided to cut this hike short and only walk around the lake instead of adding in the lookouts, I enjoyed our wandering a lot more. We made a lot of stops to look at the nature around us and I spent much of time thinking about the last time we had hiked around Brohm Lake. It was last year, and it was pouring rain. Every trail we followed seemed to dead end at the water and we ended up having to hike straight up a slope of slippery roots and mud. The sleeves of my puffy jacket sucked up all the moisture, wicking it up my arms under my rain coat and my shoes were full of water. I was probably really uncomfortable, but I only remember being incredibly nervous. I was in love with Stu, but I didn’t know how to tell him. I spent the whole time wondering if I was supposed to wait for him to tell me or if I could get up the guts to tell him first. I almost said it when we were standing on the rocky outcropping looking at the dreary view of the lake, and I also almost said it when we were crossing the bridge, and I also almost said it when we were in the forest surrounded by towering old growth trees – but it never quite came out.
Finally, we were back in the car, soaked to the core. Stu started it and got ready to back out of the parking lot. I panicked and blurted out “I love you.” But I didn’t leave it at that. I was so nervous that it felt like I was speaking front of an audience (the only thing scarier to me than snakes) and I just kept babbling at high speed. I think I said something along the lines of, “you don’t have to say it back, but I just wanted to –” Stu interrupted me. He said, “I love you too,” and went on to tell me that he’d been waiting to say it because he hadn’t found the right moment. We had both wanted to create the perfect memory for the first time we told each other but instead we were drenched and shivering in a car; my hair was plastered to my forehead and dripping in my eyes and the water in my shoes was leaking out and pooling on the floor mat. This is one of my favourite memories of us.
Sometimes life doesn’t give you what you expect or want. Sometimes the words come out at the wrong time and sometimes you don’t have the energy to accomplish the goal you’ve set. But when you accept it rather than fighting it, you are more likely to end up moving in the right direction instead of exhausting yourself by trying to change the things beyond your control. My personal mantra: be okay with the short hike and be okay with soggy love.
Reflections at Brew Lake
Hike 2 | Our drive to the trailhead for Brew Lake was a bit like a live action version of the Telltale Heart. Being a Poe fan, you would think that I would have thoroughly enjoyed a game of ‘what’s making the knocking sound in my truck?’ But by the time we got home, we would have pulled apart everything that could possibly have been loose, only to discover that it was the bike rack. . .
Hike #2 | 322m Elevation Gain | 6km Hiked
Our drive to the trailhead for Brew Lake was a bit like a live action version of the Telltale Heart. Being a Poe fan, you would think that I would have thoroughly enjoyed a game of ‘what’s making the knocking sound in my truck?’ But by the time we got home, we would have pulled apart everything that could possibly have been loose, only to discover that it was the bike rack. . .
The inconspicuous trailhead took us a couple passes to find, giving us ample opportunity to further speculate on what was about to fall off my truck and if it was important. The 6-kilometer (return) hike started in a cut block and gently gained its modest elevation (322 meters) over a number of talus fields, along some small stretches of alpine forest, and through some meadows full of wild flowers. It was a gentle hike, and not once did I feel as though I wanted to curl up like a little wood bug and take a nap while waiting for Stu to return – that was how I spent most of our last hike feeling.
Maybe because the hike wasn’t technical, and I wasn’t digging into the depths of my soul just to complete it, I was captivated by the surroundings the whole way. The views of Armchair Glacier and Black Tusk across the smoke filled hazy sky were familiar markers, the wild flowers of all colours and shapes buzzed with bees and butterflies, and Stu spotted half a dozen frogs along the way. The hike was gentle and when we crested the rise above the basin, the rock rimmed lake was rich in reflections and completely deserted. In the time we spent having lunch we saw a few other people passing through at a distance, too far away to even hear their conversations. Being able enjoy such a stunning area virtually alone on a sunny day was truly a reward in and of itself.
Last week when we hiked Wedgemount Lake we saw nearly 40 people (many of whom were in over their heads – out of water and wearing tennis shoes). The hike was steeper gaining 1100 meters over 6-kilometres (one way). But reaching that stunning turquoise alpine lake had made every exhausted step (and every time I hadn’t curled up under a leafy plant to nap trailside) worth it. While I sat next to Brew Lake enjoying the solitude – Stu had come off night shift again and was taking a nap in the shade – I thought about the different ways we can choose to access our goals.
Sun-dried Tomato Lentil Hummus
1 can of lentils, drained and rinsed
1/2 teaspoon natural sea salt
1/4 cup of tahini paste
1 teaspoon hot smoked paprika
1 teaspoon cumin
3 tablespoons lemon juice
2 tablespoons olive oil
1 tablespoon garlic oil
1/4 cup sun-dried tomatoes
Place the tomatoes in a small bowl and cover with boiling water. Set aside. Place all the other ingredients in a food processor and blend. Drain tomatoes and add them to the food processor, blend until you are happy with the consistency.
About four years ago I stopped being able to eat garlic and onions. I get violently ill from them now - it truly sucks (for lack of a better word). But I am able to digest garlic oil. Being able to add the flavor back into a few things has been a treat!
It can be hard to find a salami that doesn't have garlic in it, but they are out there. Add in some rice crackers, mini cucumbers, and lentil hummus, and you're all set for lunch by the lake.
Cacao Nib and Sea Salt Sticky Bites
(Makes 12 servings)
1 cup uncooked sticky rice
½ cup uncooked quinoa flakes
2 cups water
2 Tbsp honey
2 Tbsp cacao nibs
½ tsp vanilla extract
Dash of sea salt
Topping
½ tsp sea salt
Combine quinoa flakes, rice, and water with a dash of salt in a rice cooker (I don't have a rice cooker so I cooked this based on the direction on the rice package in a pot on the stove) and cook. Let cool to the touch.
In a medium bowl, combine the cooked rice and oats with the remaining ingredients. Stir to incorporate the flavor throughout the sticky mixture.
Press into an airtight storage container or shape as individual bites. Sprinkle lightly with salt. For hiking, I wrapped each sticky ball in a small amount of saran wrap and placed them in a reusable baggy together. I adapted this recipe from here.
Homemade Chocolate Shot Gels
1 1/2 bananas
1 avocado, pitted and peeled
1/4 cup unsweetened cocoa powder
3 tbsp clear honey
1/2 tsp pure vanilla extract, optional
1/4 tsp ground cinnamon
I've been wanting to make my own shot gels for some time, and Stu had the great idea of using this dessert recipe in our reusable 'goo' tubes. I adapted it slightly and it worked perfectly and was a great treat on the hike.
Note: if you have a piping bag (for icing cakes), use it to fill the goo tubes and save yourself some mess.
The challenges I’ve experienced with health over the last few years have felt very much like a steep and loose climb that has threatened to defeat me at every turn. More than once I have had to take a break simply from trying to get better because it is exhausting work between appointments, tests, restricted diets, and not knowing what’s next. And the whole time I’ve been hoping for that beautiful cool alpine pool full of health and answers to be waiting for me at the top. I’ve been holding out for the dramatic finish because I’ve been doggedly putting in the struggle-steps. But this hike to Brew Lake reminded me that there is another way. A gentler way. It’s less glamorous for sure and it can require more motivation because often it feels like the reward is less when the work isn’t as difficult. However, simply finding a sustainable grade will allow me a more consistent path towards getting better. And for every minute that I haven’t gone full-wood-bug, I am moving forward – and in the end that may be a more successful journey.
And just to clarify – I’m only talking about my health. There will be plenty of full-wood-bug moments to come in the next 38 hikes. I’m sure of it.